Two elderly gentleme ….

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Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:


“John, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”


John says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”


“Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”


“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”

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I got chatting with ….

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I got chatting with a girl in a bar, “Can I buy you a drink?” I asked.


“Have you not got a girlfriend?” she replied, “Guys like you always have girlfriends.


“No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago,” I assured her.


“Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she said, “Go on then, I’ll have a white wine please.”


A few drinks later after a kiss and a cuddle we headed off back to her place and made passionate love.


While I was putting my clothes back on she said, “So, you’re good looking, a nice guy and amazing in bed, can I ask why on earth you split with your girlfriend?”


I said, “My

continue ….

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The angel Gabriel ca ….

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The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said, “I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes, they are riding Mercedes and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they’re selling their halos to people for discounted prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear or clean, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking chai (tea). Some of them are even walking around with just one wing! They do not believe in discipline and push their way through the line.’


The Lord said, “Indians

continue ….

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Joe had a blind date ….

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Joe had a blind date with Maria for the prom and, as the evening progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.


After some really passionate embracing, he said: “Tell me, do you object to making love?”


“That is something I have never done before,” Maria replied.


“Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?” Joe was amazed!


“No, silly,” she giggled, “I’ve never objected!”

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