Category Archives: Jokes

Einstein dies and go ….

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Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint
Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”


Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?”


Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk
instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane
mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.


Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!”
he says. “Welcome to heaven!”


The next to arrive

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A lion woke up one m ….

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A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”


The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!


Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”


The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”


On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”


Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen

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A guy walks into the ….

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A guy walks into the vet`s office with a hamster. He lays the hamster on the table and the doctor says, “I`m sorry, sir, but your hamster is dead.”

“I want a second opinion!” the man demands.

So the doctor brings in a cat. The cat walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. “Well the cat says your hamster is dead,” says the doctor.

“Well I want a third opinion.” So the doctor brings in a Labrador retriever. The lab walks around the hamster, sniffs him and shakes its head. “The lab says your hamster is dead.”

“OK, fine. What do I owe you?”

“$650” the doctor said.

“What?!? What for?”

“Well

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A woman accompanied ….

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor`s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don`t do the following, your husband will surely die.”

“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don`t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don`t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the n

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A man wakes up one m ….

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A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla up in the tree in his front yard. Not knowing quite what to do, he looks in the yellow pages under “Gorilla Removal Service” and sure enough finds a listing-Harry`s Ape Removal.

So he calls up Harry and about an hour later Harry shows up with all the tools of his trade, a pick-up truck, a pair of handcuffs, a ferociously-trained dog and a shotgun.

Harry then proceeds to explain the removal procedure to the man because he will need help:

“Now, I`m going to climb up in this tree and shake the tree until the gorilla falls out of the tree. The very instant the gorilla hits the ground, this daog is trained to rus

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